True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
