how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
His hands were made for my vagina.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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