Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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