I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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