I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
