I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
