My friends, they love my intelligence
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
