I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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