If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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