so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
