Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
