Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
