I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
