did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
