If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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