its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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