We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
