Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize