it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
