people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
