So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
