You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
