Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You made out with two different species that night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
