went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
