So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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