i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pooping to opera.
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