so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
