Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
