Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
