those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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