uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
