Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
zippers are such a cool invention
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Randomize
