Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
