and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
