I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
