I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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