Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
