I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
