had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
