I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
