It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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