So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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