My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
