we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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