I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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