He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
