oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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