Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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