Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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