I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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