those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
