he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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