drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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