I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
