wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
