So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
