paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
