i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
