There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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