You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
