So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
