He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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