I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize